


Gone

by ChryseisYumi



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Blood and Gore, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2015-07-16
Packaged: 2018-04-09 17:14:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4357580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChryseisYumi/pseuds/ChryseisYumi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Stay the fuck away from me,” Levi gasped with a grimace, reaching for his swords only to find both of them gone. “This isn’t real. You’re not real.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gone

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jaegersaint](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaegersaint/gifts).



Blood rained all around him. Screams echoed in his head and all around the clearing he found himself in. A body fell beside him, slamming into the ground with a sickening crunch. More blood splashed in his direction and he lifted his hand to shield his face from the worst of it. He glanced up and jumped away, his 3DMG yanking at his body, just in time to move him out of reach from the gaping mouth of the titan now chasing after him, its face twisted into a sick imitation of a smile.

“Shit,” Levi muttered under his breath with a frown, swinging around a tree trunk and landing on the back of the beast’s neck, slicing into the thick flesh with a practiced jerk of his arms. The titan’s body stumbled in its path and fell to the ground, shaking everything around it as it landed, steam rising steadily from the already disappearing body. Levi landed next to it, wiping away at his blades with his cloak, expression disgusted and weary.

“Fucking disgusting,” he spat, turning around and promptly hitting something with his foot, almost falling over, “what the hell – no.”

Farlan’s vacant stare met his, the dull eyes taunting him.

“No, no, no,” Levi said shaking his head, scrambling to move away from the severed body, face pale, “This is a dream.” He fell onto his behind and dragged himself further away, breathing laboured as the scenery around him slowly started to bend and wobble around him, closing in on him along with Farlan’s accusing stare. The body’s arm stretched out and reached for him, weakly clenching and unclenching its fist as if trying to grasp at Levi.

“Stay the fuck away from me,” Levi gasped with a grimace, reaching for his swords only to find both of them gone. “This isn’t real. You’re not real.”

He patted at the ground for his blades in a panic, his eyes fixed on the terrifying image of Farlan. He bit at his lip in hopes of the pain waking him up, when his palm grazed over something soft, making him whip his head around.

“Big Bro,” Isabel’s severed head echoed from underneath his hand, its eyes fixed on him.

Levi jerked away.

“Where are you going?”

Farlan was suddenly next to him.

“Bro.”

“Levi.”

“Get the fuck away from me – _this is not real_ ,” Levi said loudly, finally picking himself up and running away from them.

“Bro, why are you running?”

“Levi, stop.”

Levi kept on moving, leaping suddenly into the air and taking away with his 3DMG.

“Bro.”

Isabel’s voice echoed all around him.

“Levi.”

He ignored Farlan’s steady call. _‘This is not real. Wake up, wake up, wake up, wakeupwakeupwakeup –‘_

Something smacked into him and he fell onto the ground. The thing landed on him. He opened his eyes he didn’t realize he had closed and was met with _their_ gazes.

“Why, Levi?”

Vacant eyes inched in.

“Corporal.”

Pale lips widened impossibly wide.

“Levi.”

They were all around him.

“Bro.”

Levi shook with terror – they wouldn’t _get off_.

“ _Corporal, wake_ _UP_.”

He jolted and sat up, eyes wide as he flailed his arms in front of him in a final attempt to push them away, only to be met with air. He glanced around himself in confusion, taking in the soft rumpled sheets and the stony interior of his bedroom, slowly realizing he was in his bed, next to Eren, who stared at him with sleepy concern.

“Levi?” Eren said softly, reaching toward him and abruptly dropping his hand when Levi flinched lightly. “Are you okay?”

Instead of answering Levi buried his head into his palms, taking a few long breaths as he willed his rapid heartbeat to slow down. Eren waited for him patiently, not touching him, and Levi thought for a moment that the youth had fallen asleep, but when he looked in his direction Eren was wide awake, all traces of sleep gone from his face. Levi’s gaze softened and he sighed, lowering his hands into his lap and falling back into the pillows, staring at the castle’s ceiling.

A few moments of silence passed and then Eren slowly, carefully placed his palm on Levi’s chest and curled up around him, nuzzling his nose into Levi’s cheek.

“Want to talk about it?” he whispered, fingers lightly playing with the soft hair on Levi’s stomach as he tried to soothe the tension away from the man’s muscles with his hand. Levi adjusted his arm so it was around Eren’s shoulders and reached out with his other palm to clench at Eren’s fingers lightly.

“I had that dream again,” he eventually got out, his voice nothing but a whisper of sound against Eren’s forehead.

“Of your teammates?” Eren hesitantly asked, lifting his head slightly so he could look at Levi’s face. The other swallowed heavily and nodded, looking away from Eren’s stare so he could collect his thoughts.

“They were – it was – there was blood _everywhere_ and they were just _there, staring_ and _chanting my name_ – I couldn’t – I _had to_ –“

“Hey,” Eren said firmly over him, grasping Levi’s cheek and turning his face so they could look at each other. “It was a dream – just a dream. Okay?”

Levi stared into those deep, reassuring eyes, and slowly nodded. Eren’s brow relaxed lightly and the young man leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to Levi’s lips while petting at the man’s hair. Levi let himself be kissed. He clutched at Eren as they brushed their mouths together in a calming kiss, and neither felt the need to deepen the sweet touch of lips. They parted after a while and Levi felt significantly better there in the arms of his lover, his nightmare fading into a dull alarm in his head. Yet it still lingered.

“I wish I could’ve saved them,” he whispered into the air between them, voice cracking.

“I know – I understand,” Eren replied as his hand tightened around Levi’s fingers.

“They just followed me because they trusted me – I should never have dragged them into that mess.”

Eren clutched at him harder and pressed another kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Levi, please. Stop.”

“I miss them.” It was a quiet whisper – a broken one, yet Eren heard it. He always did.

“I know.”

“I miss them all,” Levi continued, multiple other faces flashing in his mind, making him turn in their embrace so that his face was buried in Eren’s neck. He couldn’t make himself look at his lover while he tried to calm down the surge of emotions crawling all over his mind. Gunther. Oluo. Eld. Petra.

“I miss them all too,” Eren murmured into his hair, petting it softly. Levi focused on the sound of Eren’s voice and the touch of his loving hands, and felt himself drift off, the emotional drain he had experienced finally exhausting him. Eren continued placing small kisses to his hair and petting his head and neck, whispering comforting words into his ear. Levi was almost completely asleep already when he heard it.

“And I miss you as well.”

Levi stilled. “What?”

“Levi, come find me.”

Eren’s soft voice echoed in his ears and Levi frantically tried to disentangle from his lover’s hold so he could look at him, but he didn’t quite succeed. “Eren?”

“Please find me.”

“ _Eren!_ ” Levi yelled, opening his eyes. His phone’s glaring light greeted him and he smacked it away from his face, confusion flowing through all of his being. He blinked away the wetness in his eyes, disoriented from the abrupt waking up and the flash of light. His eyes slowly focused as he got used to the darkness and he turned onto his back. The sounds of car horns could be heard from the outside, and the occasional laugh drifted through the walls of his apartment.

“Fuck,” he whispered, throwing an arm over his face, “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.”

Eren was not there. It had all been a dream. A goddamn dream.

“Fuck.”

He clutched at his chest when a large sob wrecked his body and he breathed in deeply, trying to contain the raw emotions threatening to tug him under like they had a few times before. He concentrated on the noise around him, trying to distract his thoughts. He tried thinking of all he had to do that week, tried counting and reciting the alphabet, tried to go through his entire exercise routine, yet none of it worked. Levi turned onto his side and gathered his blankets and pillows close to his chest, hugging them tightly as he tried to imagine next that they were Eren instead of fabric stuffed with fluff. That worked – for a few seconds.

Nothing could replace Eren though. Nothing ever could nor did. Levi had spent many lifetimes trying, but none of the things ever succeeded. He always ended up missing the soft curve of Eren’s body against his in the middle of the night, his beautiful, sunny smile in the morning, and his glistening, passionate eyes in the afternoon. He missed the way Eren was always there when he needed him, was always prepared to give anything his all if he believed in it, and always supported him when things got rough.

Levi really needed all that right now. Yet when he squeezed his arms tighter, he couldn’t fool himself. Eren wasn’t there.

He was not there.

He had lived through many lifetimes already, but Eren just was not anywhere to be found.

“I fucking miss you,” Levi muttered into his pillows, letting himself utter those feelings out loud while in the darkness of his lonely bedroom, a single tear slipping through his lashes and soaking the fabric of his pillowcase. “I need you so much.”

Another car honked in the distance. Levi’s breath shook as he exhaled.

_“Let me find you.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thank you for reading. This is my first attempt at angst, so I hope it was okay :D


End file.
